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beth

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[26 Jul 2006|02:22pm]
lately it seems as if death & hurt are surrounding all of us, & it scares me that none of us know when its going to happen and that one of these days it could be someone that i care about. i get nervous about some of you who drink the night away and then drive home. its not a smart idea, and remember that you are not only endangering yourself, but others driving on the road with you. your decision could ultimately not only affect you and maybe someone else but the family members and all the people that care about you.

i want all my friends to know that i love you all dearly and to take time to tell the people around you that you love them. as we can all see from the past couple days is that life can be taken from us when we are least expecting it, but dont make dumb decisions that only stand to increase the chances. if anyone EVER EVER EVER needs a ride somewhere you can call me ANYTIME and i will be there to do whatever i can.

i know that we cant live our lives in fear of death, because it will happen, but we have to realize that it is truley a one time deal and we have to take whatever precautions that we can to make it last as long as we can.

tell your family and your friends you love them everyday. make sure they know it. once again, i love you all & care about all of you. =)
tried so hard

... [30 Apr 2004|04:59pm]



34 tried so hard

just when you think everything is going great... [19 Apr 2004|10:19pm]
[ mood | scared ]

life slaps you in the face.. hard.

on my way home from work tonight my dad called to tell me that he needed me to come by so he could talk to me. i asked if i was in trouble and he said no. when i got off my thoughts immediately told me that it was about my Uncle Jack (my gma's brother). he has cancer and it was going away but either last month or the month before that his heartbeat became irregular and so he had to stop taking his medicine for the cancer causing the cancer count to go back up. and i guess he has taken a turn for the worse.

if you don't see me at school the rest of the week it's because i'm in alabama. we're going to see him because the doctors have given him 2 1/2 months but my gma doesn't think he will make it but a couple more weeks. my heart is broken. i love him so much and i don't want anything to happen to him yet it's inevitable. bad things keep happening to the people i love especially this year because other than my uncle ray (his brother) who i don't remember really i have never lost someone i really truley love and is close to me.

his house his where christmas dinner is every year. he's always happy and smiling. i'm afraid to go see him because i'm scared of what i will see. i'm scared that i won't be able to control myself. i know i will start crying. i'm scared of what this IS doing to my gma. this is her last original family member.

yes he might be going to "a better place." but i believe that to be that he won't be hurting anymore. but other than that all i believe is that he his going to be in a box in the ground for years to come. not up in some magical place with family members. don't jump on my case because that is how i feel. why does death have to happen when it hurts people so badly?

these are the times that make you love everyone around you even more and make the petty things worthless. strange how i'm saying that yet again in like the time span of a month and a half.

i will be back for grad bash saturday. my dad assured me of that. my only problem is after 4 days around my family crying and being upset i'm supposed to go and have fun and like automatically forget what is happening up there and forget about the sadness. it doesn't seem fair that i should be allowed to enjoy myself. but i want too. because i have been waiting to enjoy this night for so long. it's just not fair.

and yet i'm still stuck with the question.
why?

12 tried so hard

AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [08 Apr 2004|08:57pm]
[ mood | excited ]

i'm going to dun dun dun...


HAWAII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG!!!!
i ♥ my mom!! :)

tried so hard

... [27 Mar 2004|01:42am]


my journal is now FRIENDS ONLY.
3 tried so hard

... [21 Mar 2004|02:08pm]
...your wink makes my heart flutter...
2 tried so hard

when that song came on.... [20 Mar 2004|02:27am]
all i could see were images of my mom flying off the motorcycle. i hate this.
tried so hard

... [19 Mar 2004|07:27pm]
..."to be nobody but yourself in a world thats doing its best, day and night, to make you everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle any human being can fight; and never stop fighting"... e.e. cummings
tried so hard

hell yeaaa!!! [16 Mar 2004|11:28pm]
lol.
first test in statistics: 99%
first test in economics: 90%
whoo hoo! lol.
tried so hard

... [13 Mar 2004|03:53pm]
[ mood | happy ]

it was wierd because this afternoon i felt happy, like truely happy for the first time in like a month if not more. i walked out of the store smiling & laughing. happy
it feels good. lol.

and willy wonka & the chocolate factory is on. i ♥ this movie. :)

tried so hard

... [09 Mar 2004|07:53pm]
-you've been burned-
-he treated you like dirt-
-like his property-
-a piece of his obsession.
-you won't let go-
-refuse to turn away-
-it's like he owns you-
-all of his selfish ways.
-he's gone every night-
-you wait by the phone-
-waiting for a call-
-that never seems to come.
-yet you won't leave-
-refuse to turn your back-
-to walk out on him-
-to get rid of the trash.
-you've been fooled-
-tricked and confused-
-as you continue to look past-
-the lies hidden beneath the mask.
tried so hard

....... [07 Mar 2004|10:41am]
boredness....
CLICK HERECollapse )
tried so hard

... [06 Mar 2004|01:40am]
My Secrets
An Illusion
Hiding Myself
Closing Off From The World
Resisting You
Holding Back
Opening Up
Little By Little
Only For You
Allowing You In
You Took Advantage
Lost My Trust
Ignoring You
Locking You Out
Letting You Make YOUR Mistakes
Hidden Actions
Your Secrets
tried so hard

...finished ... [04 Mar 2004|05:29pm]
if she only knew,
the games you play,
the mistakes you made,
the life you live,
when she's not around,
to hear your lies,
and all those untold secrets,
you hold inside.

yourself.
you can't control.
you lose it.
you become someone else.
unable to handle the continuous pressures.
you fall in a hole.
it's dark and deep.

punishing yourself,
punishing others,
living a hell,
brought on by yourself.

running from your problems,
digging in deeper & deeper,
hiding them away,
i can't wait for the day,
when she finally hates you.
tried so hard

... [28 Feb 2004|07:32pm]
[ mood | scared ]

i was just sleeping & my mom called and the first thing out her mouth was everything is ok, i'm in the hospital but everything is alright. well geez. did i not burst into fuckin tears. ugh man. i don't want her to ever get back on that fucking motorcycle again. but i guess she is alright. she has a cut over her left eye and they both have some road rash. man. my heart almost stopped when she said that.
i'm thinking about heading over there.

tried so hard

... [21 Feb 2004|11:18pm]
[ mood | bored ]

while i'm waiting for them to get here.. i shall fill this out since i'm bored..

click hereCollapse )

tried so hard

.... [17 Feb 2004|11:10pm]
your unexpected phone call made me feel better...
although you'll never know.

:)
tried so hard

... [20 Jan 2004|10:31pm]
...you unknowingly have my heart...
tried so hard

... [09 Jan 2004|05:47pm]
[ mood | scared ]

i was in an accident after school. on us1 across from sears town. 5 cars. i was the 4th of the 5. i hit steve p. and a kid in a truck hit me. my car is totaled. radiator is destroyed, my frame on the right side is messed up, my back glass shattered when he hit me, my seats are broken/pushed forward.... my blood pressure was high at the scene but lady said it was probaly b/c of the accident. my head is hurting right now.. i think it's a headache. ugh. this is a total nightmare. i need to call justin propst to see if he can take me to school, i have to find rides to work... but i'm ok and that's all that matters. thanx to stephanie for calling to see if i was ok.. i ♥ you.. and jerrod for calling & coming to see me, and savannah & natalia, and lindsay (one of the girls in the accident for coming and giving me a hug when i was shaking), deanna & beth for making sure i was alright, the people who helped me, my mom & my dad for rushing to my side... and my sister for telling me she loves me...

i was sooo scared. i still am.

2 tried so hard

[01 Jan 2004|02:06am]
[ mood | tired ]

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

tried so hard

argh.. [30 Dec 2003|08:43pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

old people should NOT be allowed to have purses with multiple compartments... good gawd.

---------
work today. went to sonny's & dairy queen with wade & matt. it was fun.
tomorrow i have an appt. at my mom's work & then it's off to alyssa's house for fun. kk. later.

tried so hard

... [30 Dec 2003|12:09am]
[ mood | okay ]

so all i did today was go to work which was extremely boring and i went to walmart on break to look for a nice pair of pants to wear to alyssa's sisters wedding on friday and i bought 2 now i just need to figure out what shirt to wear... easier said than done..

and at work i like went into this state of depression.. it scares me to know that my body/mind will do that. b/c i like wasn't happy, i wasn't angry, i wasn't mad, and i wasn't really sad i had like no feeling inside of me and i don't like that. i guess i'm ok now.. can't really tell b/c i'm not around anyone but yeah.

i finished the 2nd book that i got the other day :( now i really need to get the other 2 to find out what happens. so now i guess i can go back to reading the nicholas sparks book.

tomorrow i'm working 1-8 for savannah.. i don't wanna nemore but oh well. and then i might go to alyssa's.. if you read this alyssa call me tomorrow my break should be from 4-5 or so and let me know.

and i'm getting my hair done on friday afterall at 10:00.. she said i would be out of there by 12:30 so i can be at alyssa's at 1:30..i'm soooo flippin happy. damn hair. blahhhh.

mmkk i've done enough complaining. night.

2 tried so hard

ack. [28 Dec 2003|11:57pm]
[ mood | bored ]

i slept till 11:00 this morning which was soooo nice. but then i had to go to work... 2:30-9:30.. i think tammie is mad at me.. i hope she isn't but i dunno...

nuthin to exciting happened today. i finished the 1st book i got while i was shopping the other day and i started the 2nd one and i'm almost halfway through it...i'll have to go get the other 2. lol.

sooo i work yet again tomorrow. 3:30-10:30. whoo..ha.
kk.
night.

tried so hard

.... [28 Dec 2003|01:05am]
LMAO!!! whoo....
------------------------
Threesome Fun by Mckennat
Username
Favorite Color
Date of ThreesomeJuly 25, 2008
Location of Threesomein a movie trailer
First PartnerSnoop Dogg
Second PartnerSean "P. Diddy" Combs
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

---------------------------------

yikes!! lol.
tried so hard

..... [27 Dec 2003|11:44pm]
[ mood | blah ]

so natalia called me at like 6:00 and wanted to know if i wanted to go see "cold mountain" with her & jennifer. so i did. it was a good movie slow in the beginning but it was good... sad!!! :( and we had to sit in the 3rd row :( ugh..lol. oh well. it was fun. i saw my first "R" movie in a theatre and the girl didn't even card me... blah. lol. it was still kool. :)

still trying to figure out when i'm going to get my hair done. me & carrie (girl that works there) kept playing phone tag earlier. so i guess the girl that was gonna do my hair alyssa (lol) is going to call me on monday and hopefully try to fit me in her schedule. :)

kk. night.

2 tried so hard

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