beth (butterfly32927) wrote,

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just when you think everything is going great...

life slaps you in the face.. hard.

on my way home from work tonight my dad called to tell me that he needed me to come by so he could talk to me. i asked if i was in trouble and he said no. when i got off my thoughts immediately told me that it was about my Uncle Jack (my gma's brother). he has cancer and it was going away but either last month or the month before that his heartbeat became irregular and so he had to stop taking his medicine for the cancer causing the cancer count to go back up. and i guess he has taken a turn for the worse.

if you don't see me at school the rest of the week it's because i'm in alabama. we're going to see him because the doctors have given him 2 1/2 months but my gma doesn't think he will make it but a couple more weeks. my heart is broken. i love him so much and i don't want anything to happen to him yet it's inevitable. bad things keep happening to the people i love especially this year because other than my uncle ray (his brother) who i don't remember really i have never lost someone i really truley love and is close to me.

his house his where christmas dinner is every year. he's always happy and smiling. i'm afraid to go see him because i'm scared of what i will see. i'm scared that i won't be able to control myself. i know i will start crying. i'm scared of what this IS doing to my gma. this is her last original family member.

yes he might be going to "a better place." but i believe that to be that he won't be hurting anymore. but other than that all i believe is that he his going to be in a box in the ground for years to come. not up in some magical place with family members. don't jump on my case because that is how i feel. why does death have to happen when it hurts people so badly?

these are the times that make you love everyone around you even more and make the petty things worthless. strange how i'm saying that yet again in like the time span of a month and a half.

i will be back for grad bash saturday. my dad assured me of that. my only problem is after 4 days around my family crying and being upset i'm supposed to go and have fun and like automatically forget what is happening up there and forget about the sadness. it doesn't seem fair that i should be allowed to enjoy myself. but i want too. because i have been waiting to enjoy this night for so long. it's just not fair.

and yet i'm still stuck with the question.
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